Friday, February 10, 2012

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog,

              I am here to apologize to you.  It's been soooooo long since I last wrote a post.  Excuses, excuses...yes I have plenty of those.  Illness for me and then my Mom deteriorating big time.  A major fall for her, and 3 week hospitalization right before Christmas.  Alzheimers.  It sucks.  Imagine your very own Mom forgetting who you are.  Calling you and others, including my Dad, other names.  Sometimes I'm Barbara.  My Dad "Andy" is George and now Jack.  Upon putting my Mom back to bed one morning.. she looked at me and asked "Who are you?".  I told her my name... spelling it out A... N... N...E but it didn't register.  Then there are the hallucinations/dreams that are so real to her but nonsensical to us.   I'm sure the aides must think she is living a wild life.  Stories of parties and a train wreck she was just in.  Didn't I hear about it??? It was all over the news.  Smile, nod and redirect.  Reassure.  Did I mention... it really sucks?  Memory snatcher, stealer... no good cheat... give her back I yell... I scream... I cry! 
             So, my blog... again I am sorry I haven't written.  Somehow my heart isn't into it.  My heart isn't into much these days.  I am in the "sandwich" generation.  Trying my best to take care of my family... both my own and my parents.  And there I am in between...the peanut butter trying to hold it all together without falling to pieces.  
             Hope to write more.  But I make no promises.  No New Years resolutions.  Just each day.  Getting through each day.  It's the best I can do for now.
                                                                                             Love,  A... N... N...E....


  1. Oh Anne, I am so sorry. What a beautiful and heartbreaking post this is.
    Your blogging pals and twitter bud are always here for you if you need! Give us a shout out anytime and we can "glue you" back together :)

  2. My heart goes out to you Anne! Having young children to raise while caregiving for an ill parent is absolutely the most difficult time. I'm sorry I haven't been as attentive as I should have been. Like you, the lights just seem to have gone out since my father died. Every day is a struggle...But maybe we can pool our resources, and get through this together. Hugs!! Shelley